Well something mostly my close friends know is I have really bizarre dreams. They normally contain celebrities and/or known actors but mostly they are just really out there or really funny. So I decided to sort of begin to document them and maybe put the really good ones in a dream journal. Now these dreams don’t happen ever night, or maybe they do and I just don’t remember them but in any case the notable one’s I’ll put here on this blog.
I hope I don’t get sued or anything… but on to last night’s weird dream.
In my dream last night I was traveling the country with my new buddy no other than actor and personality Matthew McConaughey! And before you get your hopes up, no it’s not that kind of dream. Anyway we are buddies and were traveling the back roads of America in a very old station wagon, for some reason I got the feeling we were running from the law. So we hook up with this other group of vagabond types and form sort of a loosely collected gang. So Matthew decides that he’s hungry and signals to the gang that we need to stop at the next supermarket we come across. So were going along happy as can be talking and laughing and joking around after a few miles the group happens along to a market and we pull in our cars and descend upon the place hungry and looking for trouble. Matthew and I are picking up a number of items that make no sense like, salt, boxes of cereal, twizzlers, popcorn, butter and other just strange items.
So something starts to happen, I am not sure what but the lights go out in the market and the rows of shelves start to get smaller and close in on themselves. People in the market begin to panic and scream and everyone is heading for the cash register. Anyway Matthew starts packing out items into bags he finds on the floor and begins running to the door. I am trying to keep up and keep insisting that we have to pay for this stuff we can’t just run out and take the groceries with us. So this is where we get split up, for some strange reason the side of the building collapses and half the people in the market head for the open hole and the other half head towards the cashiers. I of course head towards the cashiers and Matthew heads towards the open hole and disappears outside. Ok so there I am terrified that the building is falling down around me, terrified if I get caught stealing twizzlers, soap and salt that I’ll get time in the big house, but mostly terrified that I am going to loose my buddy the wonderful Matthew McConaughey, who allows me to call him “Mac” btw.
Anyway I give in and head for the hole in the wall. I get outside and first thing I see are these huge dudes dressed in brown uniforms. Ok right away I figure I am toast and they are going to arrest me. But I realize it’s just UPS delivery guys and it’s ok. So I head over to the parking lot, all you can see is people running and panicking and fighting over cars. I see a few people in our group, that have broken into me and Matthew’s station wagon and loaded it up with food and strangers and I signal to them to pick me up but they just drive right past. But no sign of Matthew anywhere. I am looking around and the parking lot is slowly becoming a ghost town and cars and people head out onto the road. And eventually there I am standing alone in this huge parking lot. All of a sudden I hear a strange noise and I look over to my left in the very far corner of the lot nearly camouflaged by the trees is a green and yellow helicopter. Standing outside is Matthew signaling and yelling my name. So I grab my bags and run full out across the lot over to the helicopter and Matthew says get in. I am like, when did you learn how to fly something like this? He’s all I don’t really know how but it can’t be that hard. Anyway we get in and he’s starts pressing buttons and pulling up on the handle and the thing actually starts to go up and we get a little airborne. In any case we end up flying down the road about literally 5feet off the ground. I am terrified and holding on for dear life and Matthew is just having the time of his life singing some song I don’t know, and going on about how he can’t believe he’s flying this thing.
So we get to a hill in the road and of course we spill out of the helicopter into what seems to be a swamp. We climb out of the wreckage dust ourselves off and realize were are in the middle of nowhere, nothing for miles in ether direction except a small church. So we walk over to the church we knock but no one comes, we can clearly see and here people moving around inside but no one will come to the door. So we go around to the side of the church where there is a smaller side entrance and we open the door and Wayne Knight is standing in the doorway dressed in full out Mormon garb (or what I imagine would be) and holding a shotgun. Of course all I can think is, “This is my Children of the Corn moment and I die here.” Wayne threatens us and tell us to get off his property or he’ll put buckshot in out asses, or something like that. But we plead and beg on our knees if he can take us to the next town because we’d die out here if we don’t get a ride. We end up working out a deal with Pastor Wayne and his congregation, where I give them my twizzlers and some butter and they give us a ride to the next town. They pack the three of us into a tiny version of a VW bug but it’s like a clown car version. I was sitting in the back with my knees up to my chest and Matthew had to hang one of his legs out the window. So we get to the next town and that of course was when I woke up…
Anyway that was my crazy dream last night… stay tuned for more, as I have them.